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INSPIRATIONAL FEATURES
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 Bill Hicks - It's Just A RideThe World is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real, because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round, and it has thrills and chills and is very brightly colored, and it's very loud. And it's fun, for a while. (Watch) |
 King of the Hill - Yogi Victor Funny scenes of a yoga instructor who tries to teach Hank yoga. (voiced by Johnny Depp) Hilarious! (Watch) |
 THE TRUTHOnce Satan and his demon sidekick were walking down the street, closely watching a man 20 yards ahead who was on the verge of realizing the Supreme Truth. The demon grew worried, and began to nudge Satan, but Satan looked quite calm. Sure enough, the man did, in fact, soon realize the deepest spiritual Truth. Yet Satan still did nothing about it. With this, the demon nudged Satan harder and, getting no response, finally blurted out, “Satan! Don’t you see? That man has realized the Truth! And yet you are doing nothing to stop him!” With that, Satan cunningly smiled and announced, “Yes, he has realized the Truth. And now I am going to help him organize the Truth!” (--story heard years ago from Indian sage Jiddu Krishnamurti) PEACE Disciple: Oh wise and all knowing one, take me to the realm of perfect peace. Master: If I take you to that realm, it will no longer be peaceful. (Website) |
 HOW ENLIGHTENED ARE YOU?IF.... If you can live without caffeine, If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him or her, If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend, If you can face the world without lies and deceit, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without liquor, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, gender preference, or politics, --Then you have almost reached the same level of spiritual development as your dog! (Website) |
 GEORGE CARLIN, ON REVERSING LIFE'S SEQUENCEI want to live my next life backwards: You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day. Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. You enjoy your retirement and collect your pension. Then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. You work 40 years until you're too young to work. You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous. Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities. Then you become a baby, and then... You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap, and then... You finish off as an orgasm. I rest my case. (Website) |
 GENEALOGYA little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple: I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his." FUNERALS According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. --Jerry Seinfeld (Website) |
 MISSIONARIESAnglican Archbishop Desmond Tutu, the 1984 Nobel Peace Prize winner from Cape Town, South Africa, tells the following: "There is a story, fairly well known, about when the missionaries came to Africa. They had the Bible and we, the natives, had the land. They said 'Let us pray,' and we dutifully shut our eyes. When we opened them, why, they now had the land and we had the Bible." (Website) |
 MODERN ZEN HUMORQ: How do you describe a schizophrenic Zen Buddhist? A: A man who is at two with the universe Q: How much "ego" do you need? A: Just enough so that you don't step in front of a bus. --Shunryu Suzuki A student once asked Zen teacher Steve Allen, "If you were given a wish-fulfilling jewel, what would you wish for?" "To stop wishing," replied Allen. (Website) |
 WEDDINGAttending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” “Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.” The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why is the groom wearing black?” (Website) |
 SCHOOL LUNCHThe children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun had posted a note on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." (Website) |